Hi

I can't sleep during this time recently ,clock shows 1:25am. I am too worry about my exams.
Counting down day by day , exam is around the corner . I always remind myself since I am choosing this path, I have no others choices so have to try my best and achieve myself target , at least 3.83 minimum, as what I have promised in front of all the form 6 teachers during audit academic weeks ago. Teachers are giving motivation every week personally ,  it a bit sounds like stress where it  keep forcing me to study study and study . I don't wish to let them down and my parents .But sometimes I'm too lazy about it when I have a lot of homework to complete thus I skip that day revision planned.
    So I try to control my tears every time I got my topical tests or small tests results,but it failed when I found my self did more and more mistakes when exams is nearer, I lost my confident especially PA, when Iooking I got only 12/25  in essay ,I felt pissed off and the tears started  rolling.

Dad and mum are everything.Since mum discharged 3weeks ago my dad looks older, he has to sent mum to work every morning , take mum to hospital for blood test and check up and busy with his own works.Last Sunday , he found his fingertips and palm suddenly turned blacked and we were worrying about the heart diseases.The next day he went to pantai hospital for check up luckily there is no problem.How about mum , doctor said her strok happened in the part of memorize and this will insult her memorizing ability.so sometimes when she is nervous , she can't speak out the words that she is thinking. I worry about their health conditions , every time when I depressed with these, I cried alone in the midnight.I  can't share these thoughts with my brothers because I don't want to burden them and I know they worry also.

 I'm learning to be a tough girl , I know I'm strong enough to independent.

STPM

This one and the half months,  i got a lot of things to share but whenever i opened the blogger and felt like want to update then my mind blank. Idk what to type.
   I have just finished my STPM trial examinations, idk why my school put it so early .Teachers are rushing with the syllabus but since we have completed it , i have no comment. So far only got my economics subject result , although it is the highest  still I am no satisfied with it. I assumed I can score higher, a higher score that will make me feel like i have really tried my best . And the other subjects , i just wish the wont make me piss off.
  Yea i am having school holidays now, but still have to attend tuition class for 3 days .Friends are coming back from different places, long time we didn't chat like yesterday for almost whole day.Everybody is busying with their own matters and seldom to contact with each other.The friends who are taking STPM also looked stressful than me.Everyone really works so hard to achieve what we did aim. If you are not a STPM student maybe you cant imagine how struggled we are , it might worse than what you think.

Short message

Alright! Something bugs me.actually I believe that we are now in stable condition and no need a whole day messaging each other like days before we did , but it doesn't mean that I allow you no to send me even a single message whole day when you are busy or you are playing. Please at least text me inform me that you are busy and don't just skip this step like that.it is very important for me , I hate being know nothing about what you have done that day , please , at least a short message

Long time no see

It has been 2 weeks I moved from MHS to DMT. Ya almost two weeks ady so a lot of people kept asking me why and I have explained it for many times and I think I no need to explain it again here. Say about last week , we received a call from my cousin brother and he told us my eldest aunty had passed away because of heart attacked ,of course we everybody got shocked because she still looked good and healthy well days before , and we ulang balik melaka and gemencheh those few days. It seems the funeral has been settled down and this Tuesday , our school had a blood test for talesimia test , my hand has been injection for 5 times and yet the doctor and nurses still can't find my gland , so the test postponed and until afternoon I go to the clinic and the doctor asked another Indian doctor to help me because he ady felt so bad to me , haha. So what's happens afternoon.  My mum has been sent to the ward , because of a very very very little strok , my eldest brother rushed back fortunately my mum now is okay and discharged after 3 nights there. So I have been busy the whole week , my homework didn't finish , didn't do any revision for the tov test .

By right I should have no problems with you because you ady out from that place .But what's going on, 4days , four days you didn't find me . You should message me first if you got something to do that day , I hate the feeling like this , I know zero about what are you doing . Should I wish straight on 12 am

暧昧

在暧昧中最让人讨厌的是什么，我不能够对你发脾气，不能够生气，不能够吃醋。为什么？因为你还不是我的。所以怎么办呢，自己闷在心里，自己伤心，自己生气。

New chapter

So i started a week in MHS for a new chapter in my life .MHS stands for Malacca High School and yes of course i go there for studying form 6. By going through this orientation week ,one must say is MHS form 6 is really best with the experienced teachers in all subjects they offered and the environment there does really help us (especially me) to have a good communication with friends in English. So far so good and hopefully it will continue smoothly until the end of our third sem.

I have to grown up , i can't be the 'a girl' in most of them and they continue treat me still like a child.Without dad and mum beside , i have to wash my own clothes , have to iron school uniform , have to mop the floor , have to be self discipline , all i have to do it by myself .

Ya , i have to grow up :)

Anyone

Hello, anyone please help me ask permission from the jurulatih to give him back his phone????? hello , anyone please , please , hello , help me T.T suddenly I hate Sunday especially when it comes to evening. Take care yourself there PABOO ,I know sometimes you might be careless.

当兵

嘿嘿，当兵的小姐回来啦。什么都不说，去了3天，我知道的是自己还不够独立，新的朋友一看我就问我是不是独生女，她们说看到我就觉得我是在被呵护保护的环境下长大，但是虽然我不是独生女，我有3个哥哥，所以不管是睡听到，他们都会说我是家里的宝，但事实并不是这样，爸妈也不会放纵宠我，该骂的他们还是有骂。虽然他们现在会羡慕我能回家，但是2个月后到我会羡慕你们的 :)



不管是他的朋友还是我的朋友都不明白我们现在到底是怎样，我想啊，我们自己也不知道怎样，就顺其自然吧




如果，一个人无条件对你好了整整2年多，你会怎么样，没有心动都会有感动吧？

To You ,

其实我不知道这里曾经有没有你的脚印
但这篇，是给你 ：

那个只要看到上面那一句话就心里很明白我正在说的你是你的你，我很想很想亲口向你说声谢谢，即使不是亲口，也想突然微信告诉你，但是自己却一直找不到一个机会，也或许说找不到机会是个借口，其实是自己不敢。不管我什么事情都好，我知道你会默默在一旁，即使你不出面，but you tried to best to concern about it ，我知道。不管之前我对你几爱理不理也好，但是突然一封微信给你，你还是会一样回复。不管我怎么避开你，但是你还是会找机会和我沟通。不管我对你好不好，只要一叫到你帮忙，你还是会答应，然后确保i'm save。即使全部人忘记我的存在感的时候，我知道，你肯定不会。

我不知道不确定这样的你能维持多久能忍多久能受多久，可能那一天你觉得厌倦了你认识另一位了你觉得受不了了你马上就会放弃，可能那一天来得很突然连你自己也想不到，可能我会稍微不习惯有那么一点点的不开心，但是真的很谢谢你。每当自己去做一样不被同意的事情时，心里觉得很压力很不安心，但是我一直安慰自己，有你，你一定会支持我那样去做，你一定不会阻止我不会反对我，你会尊重我的想法，因为我知道，你希望我开心。

我不知道你自己这样以来承受了多少压力，不知道你通常把这些故事说给谁听，不知道你怎样去形容这段故事，不知道你用着什么样的心情去诉苦，不知道他们怎样取笑你，但是，you have to take care yourself too，虽然不曾有一句问候，但是希望你也要开心。

对不起，这一段那么长的时间来给你造成了那样的不开心，希望有一天，你不会再为我的任何一句话感到一个决定感到伤心失望，希望有一天你完全不会在意我的想法，希望有一天，，，你会为她而感到幸福。

那天你觉得是时候了就放松手吧，即使舍不得，不要伤心。但是松手的那一刻不要完全放开，我希望我的身边会一直有这样的感觉和这样的你的存在，但到时是另一个身份，一个一直在旁当我支柱的你。虽然没有在一起，但是对我来说这样的你很特别。谢谢你在这段时间里凑成了一分很特别形容不出的感觉，虽然我很喜欢这样的感觉，但辛苦你了。

Moody

心情一直维持这样，当被问起你要继续读什么，眼泪就会无端端没有理由的往下流，心理承受着好大的压力，我想要的，不一定是爸爸妈妈哥哥们想要的

下个星期就要进去了，其实我真的很不想进，即使有你们和我说很好玩，可以认识很多朋友，体验不一样的生活，但是我还是不想去，我觉得他在浪费我的时间，这段时间里我能做好多事，我能和她们去看戏，这边吃那边吃，和她们一起玩，得空的时候一通电话出来喝喝茶，早上去吃早餐，就是还没完够啊。对，我知道我自己一定还不会适应这样的生活，所以我真的很不想去。

下个星期三，四就能知道成绩了，拜托拜托他们要我。

R-Day

好吧，拿到成绩了。对，是没有达到自己想要的，我能怎样，虽然爸妈都说可以但是看得出他们的语气中带点失落，they expected me to get higher than this，结果自己哭了大半天，每接一通来自哥哥和亲戚的电话眼泪就会不停得掉下，因为我知道他们对我还是有更好的期望。伤心吗？伤心。失望吗？失望。要怪谁？怪自己。为什么？because i didn't do my best。

成绩也拿到了，接下来怎么办？希望他们会要我，然后开始另一个阶段。如果不接受呢？跟着自己原来的计划走吧。



还要哭吗？不哭了.................................................

A small small wish

I do finished a small small wish which I really want to do after SPM . I tried my best to ask and now is the time to think clearly , I know what I want but I have to consider about some issues.

Sometimes I think

有的时候正当我想要努力去独立的时候，你们会在一旁否定我，说我不行，然后你们就会告诉亲朋戚友说，我的这个女儿，还没学会独立的啦，还是很小姐的

你们告诉他们说，我甚至连一粒鸡蛋都不会煎，但谁又知道是你不想我把厨房弄脏，不要我去厨房尝试

你们告诉他们说，我那么胆小怕事，那里敢驾车，但谁又知道我拿了驾照后你们都一直不给我尝试

对我知道你们是担心我，但放点空间放手让我学会自己去独立不好吗，我会照顾好自己的，我有的时候并不是你们想像的那样，我也能去适应，有一天我踏出去到别的地方读书工作我就不会措手不及了





     ：如果你问我你和妈妈什么最像，我能告诉你，是我们的脾气，哈哈

Hello

So say about how's my life keep going on now , actually i have planned for intensive english short course for three months so i won't be bored and feel nothing to do while waiting my actual results , but something went no in our expected , what the school promised us were not same as what we got that day , so our Dad and Mum get mad and no allow us to study and the plan failed . I become someone like jobless in home , keep repeating wake up - movie - sleep .

12th January 2014 passed , that's mean I get up with a chance for further studies in UTP . I think I won't be regret afterward .I have zero interest in engineering , i didn't ever think i will be a engineer before ,all of my friends know i want to be a teacher so i won't give up and strongly stand for it.Next , my result is weird in physics , i have no confident that i can handle it well since the lesson in Form 4 and Form 5 i also failed to score it.

So I started my driving lesson , but I feel too stressed to handle it since my dad said I do everything with slow slow motion.Haha , I feel scare too receive a call from him every Monday because he used to ask : Shirley , are you free to learn driving tomorrow ? I have no reason to say no , so i hate Tuesday @@ but luckily he is very kind in teaching , and he kept saying me I'm the one who very very very very 'pa si ' , hmmmmmm..... I think so :p

I just hope that everything go on with my plan , so nothing be problems :)

2014

折腾了一天终于做出了决定，2014年的第三天我收到一份很好的礼物，从那天面试回来都没有抱着可能被录取的希望因为回想起来当时的表现真的很糟糕，试想想我能把eldest brother 讲成big brother，能把hair stylist 讲成he helps others cut hair，是不是很好笑。可能吧，自己稍微幸运了一些，但是我必须顾虑到很多很多的问题，即使我知道它很好，很多人鼓励，我还是得想到最初的我要的是什么，什么才是我的兴趣，不然过后的日子怎么样。虽然不知道自己往后会不会后悔，但很欣慰有人也支持我的想法，是这样吧;)